The last time my drunkle Jonas was over for Thanksgiving, we were out of wine before the turkey was done cooking. After his belligerent FOX Newsworthy rant on universal healthcare, I barely made it through 5 rounds of Scrabble with my cousin’s 8-year old dyslexic twins: all in all, a mind-numbingly painful evening. Read on for tips on how to survive Thanksgiving with your sanity intact.
Instructions
Things you will need:
kid friendly items (paper, drawing utensils, age-appropriate dvd/movie), a list of unfinished Thanksgiving tasks,
Step
1
Be a bad host.
In other words, don’t finish preparing everything before your guests arrive. Have tasks unfinished (start cooking your food later, leave decorations out but not up). That way, if you see that a fight is about to break out, step in with a task, or a distraction. Give someone something to do or lead them into another room and ask for help with something. The point is to both separate and occupy the opposing parties so their restless (and often uninhibited due to the alcohol) energies won’t collide.
Step
2
Keep the monkeys busy.
Set up a kid-friendly room set up. Have a kid-appropriate DVD or movie playing and blank sheets of paper set up with coloring tools (crayons, markers). Giving the younguns age-appropriate things to do will prevent them from dragging adults into their intellectually unstimulating conversations and antics.
Step
3
Play teacher for the day.
Have a seating chart and strategically seat relatives who clash on opposite ends of the table. Interspersing neutral parties in between spitfires and drunks could help defuse some of the bombs.
Step
4
Appear busy at all times.
I have an aunt whose breath always smells like rotten squid. Every time she sees me, she leans forward to grab my arm and won’t let me out of her embrace for at least 10 minutes. What I’ve found is that if I have something in my hands or pretend to look busy, there is less opportunity for her to pounce. This will inevitably make uncomfortable run-ins shorter in the very least.
Step
5
Patience is a virtue.
It is only once a year that you get to see these people so try to bite your tongue. Don’t allow your feathers to get ruffled by comments or idiosyncrasies you can’t control anyway.
Tips & Warnings
If you need to take a breather, delegate your task to someone else and step into the restroom for a couple minutes. Sometimes all you need is some time and space by yourself to cool down for a bit before rejoining the party.
You might want to make yourself a drink before the alchies arrive. Hey, it might even make those racist bigoted comments seem funny…in a way.
The last time my drunkle Jonas was over for Thanksgiving, we were out of wine before the turkey was done cooking. After his belligerent FOX Newsworthy rant on universal healthcare, I barely made it through 5 rounds of Scrabble with my cousin’s 8-year old dyslexic twins: all in all, a mind-numbingly painful evening. Read on for tips on how to survive Thanksgiving with your sanity intact.
