Home >> Comedy >> How to Stalk Someone
How to Stalk Someone

By: ghimie

  Is there someone in your life that you just can't do without? Like every waking moment in their presence is pure bliss? Too chicken to actually go up to them and commence a normal conversation? Well, here's the alternative if you don't ever want to have that awkward confrontation.


Things you will need:
  • a car
  • a "victim"

Find a victim. Are you particularly attached to the person in front of you in class? How about that hottie professor? It really could be anyone.



Hang around them a lot from a safe distance. Your watchful eye will follow each movement they make. Pay attention to where they park, where they eat, where they sit when they're just hanging around.



After step 2, you should by now know what their license plate is, along with the make and model of their car. You'll want to pay particular attention to them as you are driving around. A two-car distance is good if you don't want to be spotted.



If they throw something away (especially crumpled up paper) take it! It could have some very valuable information.



Google their name, find them on Facebook, Twitter, etc. They're online somewhere... Did you know you can even look up their police record?! If their misdemeanors matches yours, then it's surely meant to be!



Find out where they live. There are so many things you can do once you have this little tidbit. You can send them flowers, a handknitted sweater made from your cat's hair, or even camp out in front of their house.



When sending mail and messages to them, make sure it's anonymous. It's just much more cute that way, don't you think?



Finally, never back down. Sure they'll deny having any connection to you whatsoever, but the truth is that your bond with them is so strong that they're afraid of admitting to it. It's your job to make them see the light.



Tips & Warnings

  • An arrest or a restraining order may occur.


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